All my life, I've wanted to be a mommy. When I was a little girl, I adored my dolls and played with them, until truth be told, I was much too old to do so. My biggest fear was not being able to have children.
When I married my ex husband, I was blessed with his daughter, Hailee. She was two when we married and I was fortunate enough to be able to spend a lot of quality time with her, thanks to her mother. Shortly after we wed, I went off birth control and we began trying to conceive. After a year, I visited a fertility specialist. He diagnosed me with Poly cystic Ovarian Syndrome and told me it could be difficult to get pregnant, but was extremely hopeful that with the fertility drug, clomid, I could achieve pregnancy. Months went by and they were much the same. At the beginning of my cycle, I took the medication (which made me horribly irritable), waited mid cycle, went in for an ultrasound to determine follicle viability, was instructed when to have sex, waited....waited....waited to take a pregnancy test. A couple of months, I got a faint positive, but ended up miscarrying within days. After about a year with this particular doctor, he wasn't willing to adjust medication or try anything else. It was at this point that I found Dr. Ann Mashchak.
I liked Dr. Mashchak immediately. She did extensive testing and found out that in addition to PCOS, I was also insulin resistant, which also added to the difficulty in conceiving. She performed an exploratory surgery to look for endometriosis and any blockages. She put me back on clomid, along with medication to treat the insulin resistance issue. And the cycle continued....
After a few unsuccessful months, Dr. Mashchak also added a hormone shot mid cycle to ensure ovulation of the good sized follicles I was producing.
It had been over two years. I was an emotional wreck. The medication made me miserable and the anguish of not conceiving truly affected my entire life. I tried to stay positive and kept doing all I knew to do.
After about a year with Dr. Mashchak, it happened. It started with a feeling of nauseousness and the pregnancy test confirmed I was finally pregnant! My family, friends and church were thrilled. It was the best Wednesday of my life! I made an appointment to have an ultrasound on Monday to see my little miracle.
My happiness turned to intense worry and fear when I started spotting on Friday afternoon. I immediately called Dr. Mashchak and she called in a script for another hormone to help keep me from miscarrying and told me to pray and try to relax. As the weekend droned on, the bleeding became accompanied by pain and cramping and the joy was replaced with grief.
On Monday, Dr. Mashchak held my hand as she showed me there was nothing left. My baby was gone. My heart was broken. My hopes were dashed. I was devastated. Afraid to miss a chance to conceive, however, I decided to continue with treatments.
Months turned into years. It was the same thing every month. There were a couple more times I saw that precious positive test, but within days, I was grieving and struggling through another painful miscarriage. I felt so alone. My family and friends didn't understand and most were downright hurtful to me. So many times I heard, "Maybe you just aren't meant to have kids." "If you would stop trying, you would get pregnant." "You can have my kids. They drive me crazy." "If you don't stop being jealous of others who are pregnant or have babies, God will never give you a child." I truly thought I would lose my mind. I became reclusive and didn't want to get out of my house.
Through the years, Dr. Maschak had always told me she would tell me when it was "time to stop." That day came when I had two follicles in each ovary and didn't get pregnant. She said she could either try in-vitro or, because she knew I was more obsessed with being a mother, rather than conceiving, we could focus on adoption. I was overcome with two extreme emotions...grief and relief. I spent a couple of months enveloped in grief for the child I would never carry and the babies I had lost.
As I searched the Internet for adoption, I was completely overwhelmed. There was so much information and I had no idea where to turn. No one I knew had adopted and I felt hopeless. Then, I met a customer who had adopted successfully and he gave me his wife's phone number. When I first spoke to Sarah*, I felt an instant connection. She had felt the same pain, fear, disappointment and aloneness that I had. She also was living proof that adoption worked and she gave me hope that I would, indeed, become a mother through the beauty of adoption.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Two Newspaper Articles from The Tennessean
By TRAVIS LOLLER
Staff Writer
Published: Monday, 07/24/06
Mike and Chantel Early traveled from Iowa to Nashville, expecting to adopt a newborn baby from a Nashville woman who had agreed to give up her child.
In the months leading up to the adoption, they spent thousands of dollars in legal fees and in living expenses for the birth mother.
But after arriving in Nashville in early June of 2005, the birth mother stopped answering her phone.
The adoption facilitator who had matched the couple with the mother said the woman had given birth and changed her mind about giving the baby up, the Earlys said.
"Until you've been through it, you don't know what it is when you expect to go to the hospital and hold your baby and then all of a sudden there's nothing," Mike Early said in an interview this month.
Then, three weeks ago, they saw the birth mother, Amy Cumbee of Nashville, on the television news show "Dateline."
Through hidden cameras placed in a Nashville hotel, the Earlys watched as Cumbee told another woman, Lori Coleman of Athens, Tenn., that she wanted them to adopt her soon-to-be-born baby.
The program had been filmed in January, just seven months after Cumbee had supposedly given birth to the baby the Earlys had hoped to adopt.
Amy Cumbee is now being held at the Metro Jail in Nashville on charges of identity theft for using the name of her friend, Christy Tidwell, to post ads on the Internet saying she was a birth mother seeking adoptive parents.
She is scheduled to appear in court today in connection with that case, and the Davidson County District Attorney's Office is following up the claims of the Earlys, the Colemans and two other couples.
Cumbee declined a request to be interviewed for this story.
Coleman found Cumbee on the Internet last November. In the months that followed, Coleman and her husband gave her money and gift cards for her living expenses, Coleman said.
They agreed to meet in Nashville, where Lori Coleman said she gave Cumbee more than $600 for living expenses.
As the "Dateline" secret cameras and microphones rolled, Cumbee called several times that night to chat. During the last call, Cumbee said she was in labor.
But two hours later, Cumbee's phone was disconnected.
"It's not the monetary loss I'm worried about," said Coleman, who said she spent $7,000 on expenses associated with the planned adoption, including living expense payments to Cumbee. "It's just the most emotional abuse you can imagine."
At least four couples have come forward with similar stories about Cumbee, and Coleman said she does not want any more prospective parents to fall victim to the woman.
But prosecuting Cumbee on anything more than identity theft may not be easy. That's because a birth mother cannot legally give up custody of her baby until at least three days after it is born.
Having the birth mother change her mind at the last minute is a risk all adoptive parents run. And if private attorneys and adoption facilitators do not check on the background of the mother, experts say, there's little to stop someone from promising the same baby to numerous couples and then backing out, or even pretending to be pregnant and using the back-out to cover up the fact that she never had a baby.
"The whole realm of private adoptions is very much vulnerable to those kinds of abuses because there isn't any clear monitoring," said Susan Brooks, a professor of law at Vanderbilt University.
Using a state-licensed agency is probably safe, she said. But adoptions are expensive, and finding a birth mother on your own can greatly reduce the costs.
Neither Brooks nor Victor Groza, an adoption expert and professor of social work at Case Western Reserve University, knew of any public or private organization that tracks complaints about adoption scams.
Early said Cumbee should go to jail.
"It's not the money she scammed," he said. "It's just the hurt that she's caused all these families."
"We had been trying fertility treatment for three years before we decided to try adoption," he said. "It wasn't an easy decision to do that."
He also is upset with the adoption facilitator, who he feels failed to properly look into Cumbee's background before matching the couple with her.
Coleman said she would have expected her adoption attorney to figure out that Cumbee was using a false name and address and never dreamed that something like this could happen.
"In the adoption world, it's just like a free-for-all," Coleman said. "People are just going nuts because there are no restrictions."
Published: Monday, 07/24/06
________________________________________________________________________________
Woman says she expected adoption but was conned
Lori Coleman, left, and Crystal Tidwell are sworn in by Judge Sue McKnight Evans during a hearing on Monday for Amy Cumbee. RICKY ROGERS / THE TENNESSEAN
By SHEILA BURKE
Staff Writer
Published: Tuesday, 07/25/06
An Athens, Tenn., woman who wanted a baby testified on Monday that she was duped into giving money to a Nashville woman now at the center of an alleged adoption scam.
The testimony came during a preliminary hearing for Amy Cumbee, 27, who faces a charge of identity theft.
Cumbee has not been charged in connection with claims — featured on NBC's television show "Dateline" — that she swindled as many as four couples by telling them they could adopt her soon-to-be-born baby. At least two couples said they paid thousands of dollars for lawyers and Cumbee's living expenses. It's unclear whether Cumbee was ever actually pregnant.
"She's just got to be held accountable for what she's done," said Lori Coleman, the East Tennessee woman who claims she and her husband were conned last winter into thinking they would be able to adopt the baby they believed Cumbee was carrying.
Cumbee, who is held at Metro Jail, declined to be interviewed. She did not appear at the hearing
The two met on an Internet site that links couples with women who want to give up children. Cumbee's identity theft case stems from her alleged use of the name of another woman, Christy Tidwell, to arrange an adoption.
Coleman said she has struggled to gain interest of law enforcement agencies and vowed to crusade for stricter regulation of adoptions. The Davidson County district attorney's office said last week it is looking into claims of the couples. •
Published: Tuesday, 07/25/06
Staff Writer
Published: Monday, 07/24/06
Mike and Chantel Early traveled from Iowa to Nashville, expecting to adopt a newborn baby from a Nashville woman who had agreed to give up her child.
In the months leading up to the adoption, they spent thousands of dollars in legal fees and in living expenses for the birth mother.
But after arriving in Nashville in early June of 2005, the birth mother stopped answering her phone.
The adoption facilitator who had matched the couple with the mother said the woman had given birth and changed her mind about giving the baby up, the Earlys said.
"Until you've been through it, you don't know what it is when you expect to go to the hospital and hold your baby and then all of a sudden there's nothing," Mike Early said in an interview this month.
Then, three weeks ago, they saw the birth mother, Amy Cumbee of Nashville, on the television news show "Dateline."
Through hidden cameras placed in a Nashville hotel, the Earlys watched as Cumbee told another woman, Lori Coleman of Athens, Tenn., that she wanted them to adopt her soon-to-be-born baby.
The program had been filmed in January, just seven months after Cumbee had supposedly given birth to the baby the Earlys had hoped to adopt.
Amy Cumbee is now being held at the Metro Jail in Nashville on charges of identity theft for using the name of her friend, Christy Tidwell, to post ads on the Internet saying she was a birth mother seeking adoptive parents.
She is scheduled to appear in court today in connection with that case, and the Davidson County District Attorney's Office is following up the claims of the Earlys, the Colemans and two other couples.
Cumbee declined a request to be interviewed for this story.
Coleman found Cumbee on the Internet last November. In the months that followed, Coleman and her husband gave her money and gift cards for her living expenses, Coleman said.
They agreed to meet in Nashville, where Lori Coleman said she gave Cumbee more than $600 for living expenses.
As the "Dateline" secret cameras and microphones rolled, Cumbee called several times that night to chat. During the last call, Cumbee said she was in labor.
But two hours later, Cumbee's phone was disconnected.
"It's not the monetary loss I'm worried about," said Coleman, who said she spent $7,000 on expenses associated with the planned adoption, including living expense payments to Cumbee. "It's just the most emotional abuse you can imagine."
At least four couples have come forward with similar stories about Cumbee, and Coleman said she does not want any more prospective parents to fall victim to the woman.
But prosecuting Cumbee on anything more than identity theft may not be easy. That's because a birth mother cannot legally give up custody of her baby until at least three days after it is born.
Having the birth mother change her mind at the last minute is a risk all adoptive parents run. And if private attorneys and adoption facilitators do not check on the background of the mother, experts say, there's little to stop someone from promising the same baby to numerous couples and then backing out, or even pretending to be pregnant and using the back-out to cover up the fact that she never had a baby.
"The whole realm of private adoptions is very much vulnerable to those kinds of abuses because there isn't any clear monitoring," said Susan Brooks, a professor of law at Vanderbilt University.
Using a state-licensed agency is probably safe, she said. But adoptions are expensive, and finding a birth mother on your own can greatly reduce the costs.
Neither Brooks nor Victor Groza, an adoption expert and professor of social work at Case Western Reserve University, knew of any public or private organization that tracks complaints about adoption scams.
Early said Cumbee should go to jail.
"It's not the money she scammed," he said. "It's just the hurt that she's caused all these families."
"We had been trying fertility treatment for three years before we decided to try adoption," he said. "It wasn't an easy decision to do that."
He also is upset with the adoption facilitator, who he feels failed to properly look into Cumbee's background before matching the couple with her.
Coleman said she would have expected her adoption attorney to figure out that Cumbee was using a false name and address and never dreamed that something like this could happen.
"In the adoption world, it's just like a free-for-all," Coleman said. "People are just going nuts because there are no restrictions."
Published: Monday, 07/24/06
________________________________________________________________________________
Woman says she expected adoption but was conned
Lori Coleman, left, and Crystal Tidwell are sworn in by Judge Sue McKnight Evans during a hearing on Monday for Amy Cumbee. RICKY ROGERS / THE TENNESSEAN
By SHEILA BURKE
Staff Writer
Published: Tuesday, 07/25/06
An Athens, Tenn., woman who wanted a baby testified on Monday that she was duped into giving money to a Nashville woman now at the center of an alleged adoption scam.
The testimony came during a preliminary hearing for Amy Cumbee, 27, who faces a charge of identity theft.
Cumbee has not been charged in connection with claims — featured on NBC's television show "Dateline" — that she swindled as many as four couples by telling them they could adopt her soon-to-be-born baby. At least two couples said they paid thousands of dollars for lawyers and Cumbee's living expenses. It's unclear whether Cumbee was ever actually pregnant.
"She's just got to be held accountable for what she's done," said Lori Coleman, the East Tennessee woman who claims she and her husband were conned last winter into thinking they would be able to adopt the baby they believed Cumbee was carrying.
Cumbee, who is held at Metro Jail, declined to be interviewed. She did not appear at the hearing
The two met on an Internet site that links couples with women who want to give up children. Cumbee's identity theft case stems from her alleged use of the name of another woman, Christy Tidwell, to arrange an adoption.
Coleman said she has struggled to gain interest of law enforcement agencies and vowed to crusade for stricter regulation of adoptions. The Davidson County district attorney's office said last week it is looking into claims of the couples. •
Published: Tuesday, 07/25/06
Athens Couple Thwarts Adoption Scammer
Athens Couple Thwarts Adoption Scammer
Submitted by WDEF on November 6, 2006 - 3:22pm. News | Consumer News | McMinn County News
This week. The legal system tries to deal with a crime that's not even on the books yet.
A Nashville woman was indicted for identity theft.
Prosecutors say she mislead four couples desperately trying to adopt.
They paid large sums of money for a baby they never got.
One of those couples lives in Athens.
Here are the details of what happened to them.
• They went to the internet to find a woman willing to give up her baby for adoption.
• They befriended a Nashville woman. After conferring with lawyers.
• But when the baby was due. The mother disappeared. And the couple found there was no baby.
News 12's Louis Lee has more of their story.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lori and Chris Coleman sit in their Athens home watching TV. But the screen displays a terrible memory for them.
It's a network news magazine story about how a Nashville woman duped them by claiming to have a baby for adoption.
That's when they met "christy" on adoption match-making website.
Lori Coleman, Trying to Adopt "The first time I met her, you know, she knew we wanted to adopt again. But I never put any pressure at all on her. In fact, she told me when I left, the first time after meeting her, that she wanted Chris and I to have the baby."
During the pregnancy, "Christy" would call or email and ask for money for living expenses, which the Coleman's gladly provided.
But as the due date for the baby drew near, things started to fall apart and Lori became suspicious.
"Christy" stopped returning phone calls and emails.
After some checking, the Coleman found several other families also waiting for Christy's baby.
Lori Coleman, Trying to Adopt "well, we have reason to believe there was never a baby. She has pulled this with other couples at different points in time. Early 2005, 2003, 2004. And she looked exactly the same then as she does now."
After even more investigations, the Coleman's found out practically everything "Christy" told them about herself was a lie. Even her name.
Lori Coleman, Trying to Adopt "These women are not afraid to go through agencies, they're not afraid to go through adoption facilitators, or attorneys. They know what they're doing."
And what they're doing isn't even illegal ... Technically.
Chris Coleman, a former police officer says that needs to change.
Chris Coleman, Trying to Adopt "until some laws are changed, until our legislatures enact new laws toward this type of scam. Law enforcement has to understand that they're going to have to be more creative. "
In Athens, Louis Lee, News 12.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Prosecutors face a challenge in building a case against Amy Cumbee.
State law allows any mother to back out of an adoption deal up to three days after the babies birth.
If they can prove she was never pregnant. They may be able to build a fraud case.
The Coleman's hope to get a happy ending this fall.
They have another adoption set up for a baby due in September.
Submitted by WDEF on November 6, 2006 - 3:22pm. News | Consumer News | McMinn County News
This week. The legal system tries to deal with a crime that's not even on the books yet.
A Nashville woman was indicted for identity theft.
Prosecutors say she mislead four couples desperately trying to adopt.
They paid large sums of money for a baby they never got.
One of those couples lives in Athens.
Here are the details of what happened to them.
• They went to the internet to find a woman willing to give up her baby for adoption.
• They befriended a Nashville woman. After conferring with lawyers.
• But when the baby was due. The mother disappeared. And the couple found there was no baby.
News 12's Louis Lee has more of their story.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lori and Chris Coleman sit in their Athens home watching TV. But the screen displays a terrible memory for them.
It's a network news magazine story about how a Nashville woman duped them by claiming to have a baby for adoption.
That's when they met "christy" on adoption match-making website.
Lori Coleman, Trying to Adopt "The first time I met her, you know, she knew we wanted to adopt again. But I never put any pressure at all on her. In fact, she told me when I left, the first time after meeting her, that she wanted Chris and I to have the baby."
During the pregnancy, "Christy" would call or email and ask for money for living expenses, which the Coleman's gladly provided.
But as the due date for the baby drew near, things started to fall apart and Lori became suspicious.
"Christy" stopped returning phone calls and emails.
After some checking, the Coleman found several other families also waiting for Christy's baby.
Lori Coleman, Trying to Adopt "well, we have reason to believe there was never a baby. She has pulled this with other couples at different points in time. Early 2005, 2003, 2004. And she looked exactly the same then as she does now."
After even more investigations, the Coleman's found out practically everything "Christy" told them about herself was a lie. Even her name.
Lori Coleman, Trying to Adopt "These women are not afraid to go through agencies, they're not afraid to go through adoption facilitators, or attorneys. They know what they're doing."
And what they're doing isn't even illegal ... Technically.
Chris Coleman, a former police officer says that needs to change.
Chris Coleman, Trying to Adopt "until some laws are changed, until our legislatures enact new laws toward this type of scam. Law enforcement has to understand that they're going to have to be more creative. "
In Athens, Louis Lee, News 12.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Prosecutors face a challenge in building a case against Amy Cumbee.
State law allows any mother to back out of an adoption deal up to three days after the babies birth.
If they can prove she was never pregnant. They may be able to build a fraud case.
The Coleman's hope to get a happy ending this fall.
They have another adoption set up for a baby due in September.
Internet adoption scam; One of the most heartbreaking schemes we've seen:
With our cameras rolling, see as victims confront the woman who took more than just their money, she stole their dream of adopting a child.
-
Internet adoption scam-
Families deceivedThe Mantooths and the Colemans figure out they have the same prospective birth mother – and that she might not have had any intention of having her baby adopted.
Families deceived
Dateline meets the woman known on the Internet as "Christy,” who says she's excited to give Lori Coleman her baby, but there's something she needs first: rent.
Meet "Christy"
The Colemans have given Christy their trust -- and hundreds of dollars -- believing she's on the up and up. They aren't going to like what our cameras catch Christy doing next.
All about the money?
Dateline’s Victoria Corderi and the Colemans confront “Christy,” who is actually Amy Ost Cumbee.
Confronting "Christy"
Why there are few prosecutions for potential Internet scams such as this one. Plus, meet someone else who says he's been a victim of the same woman – her ex-husband.
Is there justice?
Dateline’s Victoria Corderi and the hopeful adoptive parents, Lori and Chris Coleman, confront the birth mother who led the couple to believe she was going to give up her baby.
A difficult confrontation
Lori Coleman talks about the pain and disappointment of a failed Internet adoption.
Was she scammed?
investigation on Net adoption scams and ‘Christy’ wasn’t the end of the story. After our report aired, some viewers recognized her and contacted Dateline with new information. More people came forward to say they too were scammed. And was there even a baby?
More victims, more possible cons
With our cameras rolling, see as victims confront the woman who took more than just their money, she stole their dream of adopting a child.
-
Internet adoption scam-
Families deceivedThe Mantooths and the Colemans figure out they have the same prospective birth mother – and that she might not have had any intention of having her baby adopted.
Families deceived
Dateline meets the woman known on the Internet as "Christy,” who says she's excited to give Lori Coleman her baby, but there's something she needs first: rent.
Meet "Christy"
The Colemans have given Christy their trust -- and hundreds of dollars -- believing she's on the up and up. They aren't going to like what our cameras catch Christy doing next.
All about the money?
Dateline’s Victoria Corderi and the Colemans confront “Christy,” who is actually Amy Ost Cumbee.
Confronting "Christy"
Why there are few prosecutions for potential Internet scams such as this one. Plus, meet someone else who says he's been a victim of the same woman – her ex-husband.
Is there justice?
Dateline’s Victoria Corderi and the hopeful adoptive parents, Lori and Chris Coleman, confront the birth mother who led the couple to believe she was going to give up her baby.
A difficult confrontation
Lori Coleman talks about the pain and disappointment of a failed Internet adoption.
Was she scammed?
investigation on Net adoption scams and ‘Christy’ wasn’t the end of the story. After our report aired, some viewers recognized her and contacted Dateline with new information. More people came forward to say they too were scammed. And was there even a baby?
More victims, more possible cons
Victoria Corderi talks to Matt Lauer about scam
'Dateline' exposes internet baby adoption scamJune 16: NBC's Victoria Corderi talks with "Today" show host Matt Lauer about the "Dateline NBC" investigation into an online baby adoption scam.
'Dateline' exposes internet baby adoption scam
Two Women
Two Women
written for and in honor of Kennedy's Birthmother
Two women cry into the night,
their eyes are filled with tears.
Oh God why is this happening?
I need to feel you near.
One woman sits alone in the darkness,
Decisions she must make.
She wants to do what's best for the child,
It's life she cannot take.
The other woman clings to her mate
And she doesn't understand
why they can't have a child of their own
as so many others can.
These women come from different worlds.
Their lives are miles apart.
But God would deliver the pain they felt
and heal their broken hearts.
And then one precious morning
their lives became intertwined.
Both women's prayers were answered
as they felt God's plan unwind.
One woman touched her newborn's cheek
and whispered to the babe,
"Because I love you little one,
sacrifices I've made."
With the strength she felt from heaven,
to the other woman she gave
the miracle of a baby
for her to love and raise.
The other woman looked down
at her precious baby's eyes
and thanked God for the woman
who had helped fulfill her life.
Two woman pray into the night
and thank the Lord above
for the opportunity he's given them
to feel a Mother's love.
©2006 by Lori Coleman
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