Time for a change...

The problems with adoption from a legal standpoint are really two fold.

The first is that the laws governing adoption procedures vary from state to state.  When we adopted Kennedy in Oklahoma, we ended up paying 10 months of living expenses for her birth mom.  Also, after birth, once papers were signed in the judge's chambers, she couldn't change her mind. She didn't just go in and sign papers, the judge made sure it was something she could live with the rest of her life.  She said he was quite grueling and made sure she understood she was entitled to change her mind, irregardless of money she was provided for the adoption plan. Emotionally, it would have been beyond devastating to have to give up my precious Kennedy, but I can't even imagine how devastating it was for her birth mother.   Financially speaking, for us, worst case scenario is we could have paid 9 months living expenses and travel expenses and her birth mom could have changed her mind and we would have lost tens of hundreds of money.  This is money that of course, can't be returned.  I've heard people say that if they pay that much money for an expectant mom's living expenses and they don't get the baby, they should be paid back the money.  Ok now people, lets think about this.  If I, as a potential adoptive parent (PAP) pay living expenses for a pregnant woman and she changes her mind, how do I have the right to say she should pay me back?  Wouldn't that be extortion on my part?  Wouldn't that be paying for a baby?  When an PAP pays living expenses, it enables the expectant mother to alleviate some of the stresses in her life.  It's imperative that all monies paid go through an attorney or agency.  Once, Kingston's birth mother asked me for $25 for a book about sexual relationships.  My response was "I wouldn't pay that for myself. That's not a living expense. So heck no, I'm not buying you a $25 book."  That's an example of what the financial relationship shouldn't be.  Monies given are for living expenses, not $25 books. 

In my experience, I've paid expenses for two pregnant woman.  As I said earlier, Kennedy's birth mom received 9 months living expenses before birth and a month afterward.  She had medical, so that expense was alleviated.  We  became close through the process and no topic was off limits, but money was never mentioned.  She simply took her bills to the attorney and the attorney paid them.  If she had changed her mind after birth, we would have lost all that money.  It would have been a very tough financial loss and would have taken a long time to recover from.  We would have had to put the adoption on hold until we could pay some of the money we had borrowed back before we added to it again.  But you know what?  That's a chance you take.  It just is.  When you're pregnant or there is a potential birth mom involved, no one ever knows what will happen to the baby either.  Will the baby be born healthy?  Will she have developmental problems? Will she even make it through the birth alive?  All of these fears encapsulate all expecting mothers, pregnant or not.  If there is a miscarriage or an unhealthy, sick or physical challenge upon birth would you want your money back since it's not your idea of a perfect child?  I would hope not.  But you do hear of those instances too where expectant mothers have picked out a family for her baby and she has the child with medical issues and the PAPs no longer want the child.  Come on now, this goes both ways.

Kingston's birth mom was more of a challenge to work with.  She was constantly requesting unreasonable material things and of course, we could not and did not provide money for those things.  In North Carolina, I think we paid 4 months of living expenses.  In this state, she could have legally changed her mind and reclaimed Kingston 10 business days following the birth.  This, of course, varies from state to state.  I remember that once she told me she would sign paperwork waiving her waiting time to termination and I refused.  There was absolutely no way I was going to do this as it could have the potential of coming back up at another time and making me look like I had pushed her to sign before it was legally required.  We got along well during the pregnancy, but it wasn't an easy, comfortable relationship like I had with Kennedy's birth family.

I said all that to say this, the adoption laws need to be the same across the country.  There needs to be a set number of months allowed to pay living expenses and a standard set time the birth mother can change her mind.  That way, both parties know what they are getting into up front regardless of the state they reside in.  An expectant mother can live in Florida and a couple in Maine and the laws are the same.  Doesn't it just make sense? 

Scam artists know that living expenses allowances vary from state to state so they chose PAPs in multiple states to maximize their income.  This allows them to use the same story and due date without getting confused.  One thing on the Dateline report that wasn't clear is that we did use an attorney.  Professional scammers aren't afraid to use attorneys, adoption agencies and facilities.  Amy met with the adoption attorney we chose for her.  She was a member of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys and we felt comfortable that she was the best.  This "amazing" attorney didn't check any information on Amy before she handed her a check for almost 1k.  She didn't check medical or pregnancy records, residence (even though she gave her rent money) and get this...she didn't even check her driver's license.  Had she checked she would have figured out pretty quickly that "Crystal Tidwell Miller"  as she was known to us at the time, was really  Amy Cumbee.  When the scam was uncovered, the attorney informed me that her name had "better not get out or I would be sorry." 

On the flip side, expectant women who are planning on adoption should feel protected by going to an attorney or agency.  Their records can be checked and they can continue with the plan without feeling like the PAPs are questioning her validity or truthfulness.  It just makes all parties involved more relaxed and secure that everyone is legit.  Adoption attorneys in Nashville pitched a fit when Rep. Maddox presented the bill because it made them more responsible for investigation.  Obviously, the money is more important than making sure that #1 the paperwork and records of honest expectant mothers are in order so their intentions aren't second guessed and they aren't made to feel like they are scamming anyone #2 that a little investigation on their part helps protects paps emotionally and financially and #3 scammers will not want to approach them knowing they will be investigated and if they are stupid and/or sinister enough to try, they will be caught.   It's just a no brainer.

The second disastrous issue is that when scammers are caught, there is not one law in place to charge them with.

Did you catch that?  There is NO law in place to charge adoption scammers with.  It's so ridiculous it bears repeating.  How can there not be a law making it illegal to scam prospective parents with the promise of a baby and then destroy their lives and hearts and take hundreds of thousands of money from them?  Half the time, there isn't even a baby!  When I spoke....ok, pleaded...with FBI about charging Amy I was informed that because she hadn't gotten over 10k from us it wasn't any of their concern. So basically, it's incredibly difficult to find something to charge scammers with. And unless they have a warrant or probable cause for a crime, they can't even be arrested. Law enforcement has to grasp at straws trying to find something so basically, unless they are doing something else, they get away with it.  In my experience, there have only been a couple of law enforcement officers that "get it."  They understand it's a crime of the heart and they spend hours trying to find something to charge them with and keep them in jail for a while.  Thankfully, the current arresting officer has found other things to charge her with.  Here is her current court document and charges.

Name:


AMY MARIE SLANINA
Sex: F

DOB: Mar 1, 1979

Height: 5 FT 4 IN

Weight: 175 LBS

Race:

Hair Color: BROWN

Hair Length: BELOW THE NECK

Eye Color: BROWN

Complexion: LIGHT SKINNED

Incarceration Information:
Current Location: County:

Current Housing Section: FWR Current Housing Block: B POD

Commitment Date: 12/30/2011 Release Date:


Alias Information:
SLANINA

AMY SLINIA

AMY SLAINIA

AMY OST

MARRISA FOTLTZ

AMY OSTE
Bond Information:
Type: Amount: $10,000.00 Status: Open Posted By: Post Date:

Type: Amount: $25,000.00 Status: Open Posted By: Post Date:

Type: Amount: $1,500.00 Status: Dismissed Posted By: Post Date:


Detainer Information:
Comp No 78653 Charge OHIO DEPT OF CORRECTIONS Comp Date 01/04/2012 Issued By STATE OF OHIO Set By PAROLE OFFICER ANDERSON


Charge Information:
Case # Description Grade Off Date Jurisdiction

CR-1-12 USE/POSS OF DRUG PARAPH 12/29/2011 MJ

Comm Date Dis Date Conv Date Sent Date Sentence Sent Type

12/30/2011 0 Y, 0 M, 0 D

Case # Description Grade Off Date Jurisdiction

CR-1-12 DIVERSION OF SERVICES 12/29/2011 MJ

Comm Date Dis Date Conv Date Sent Date Sentence Sent Type

12/30/2011 0 Y, 0 M, 0 D

Case # Description Grade Off Date Jurisdiction

CR-1-12 THEFT BY DECEP-FALSE IMPRESSION 12/29/2011 MJ

Comm Date Dis Date Conv Date Sent Date Sentence Sent Type

12/30/2011 0 Y, 0 M, 0 D


Case # Description Grade Off Date Jurisdiction

CR-17-12 CRIMINAL USE OF COMMUNICATION FACILITY MJ

Comm Date Dis Date Conv Date Sent Date Sentence Sent Type

12/30/2011 0 Y, 0 M, 0 D

Case # Description Grade Off Date Jurisdiction

CR-17-12 DISORDER CONDUCT HAZARDOUS/PHYSI OFF MJ

Comm Date Dis Date Conv Date Sent Date Sentence Sent Type

12/30/2011 0 Y, 0 M, 0 D

Case # Description Grade Off Date Jurisdiction

CR-400-11 USE/POSS OF DRUG PARAPH 12/29/2011 MJ

Comm Date Dis Date Conv Date Sent Date Sentence Sent Type

12/30/2011 01/04/2012 0 Y, 0 M, 0 D


Best case scenario is other victims will come out and Officer Koprivnak will be able to add to the charges and keep her in prison for a while.  Hopefully, national attention will push government to pass a law making adoption scam a felony.  Unfortunately, it's becoming very common for paps to become victims of this crime.  Obviously, it's such an easy con, scammers continue without fear of being caught or incarceration. 

It's up to each one of us now to respond.  Start here. I'm currently working on a petition to send to government officials and will post as soon as it's ready for signatures.  The change will start with us.